5 Simple Ways to Insert Some Calm Into Your Holiday
A month or so ago, I attended a beautiful women’s circle. As we went around and shared, I was blown away by how many women talked about having intense stress and anxiety about the upcoming holidays. Most of the 20 or so women there were actually dreading the next few months of their lives.
The holidays can be complicated and fraught with anxiety. There’s so much pressure to attend all the parties, give all the gifts, and be everything to everyone. We run ourselves ragged with all of the shopping, decorating and festivities, and measure our worth by how happy we all look on our holiday cards.
What if we all just pumped the brakes on all the madness and were way more intentional about how we do the holidays? What if we took a moment to envision what a perfect holiday season actually looks like to us? Nobody wants to ring in the New Year totally exhausted and broke. Say it with me now, “There’s got to be a better way!” There is a better way, and here are a few tips to get you started…
5 Tips for a Calm Holiday:
1. Establish what the holidays mean to you.
This is where it all begins, folks. If you don’t know what you want your holidays to look like, you can’t know where you’re headed and what changes need to be made. Spend some time reflecting and getting really clear about what your ideal holiday actually looks like. You might be surprised to find that it’s not at all what you’ve been doing all these years.
Just because you’ve always done the holidays a certain way doesn’t mean you have to keep doing it that way for eternity. Keep the traditions that are meaningful to you and your family and create new ones that are unique to who you are now. Let go of anything you’re doing out of guilt or because you feel like you “should.”
2. Get rid of comparisons.
Ever heard the saying, “You do you?” Yeah, do that. We spend so much time looking sideways to see what other people are doing that we forget that what we’re doing has value, too. If you’ve spent tie figuring out what really lights you up about the holidays (tip #1), then you can just stay in your lane and do that. No, really. Let this holiday just be what it is. It isn’t a catalog holiday, it isn’t last year’s holiday, it isn’t your neighbor’s holiday. It’s your holiday – this holiday – and it can be enjoyed for exactly what it is.
3. Learn how to say no.
Pick your absolute favorite events and festivities, and say no to everything else. There’s no need to attend every single party or community tree lighting. Choose a few that mean the most to you and let the rest go. You can try out a few new activities each year, or find the ones you enjoy the most and go every year as an annual tradition. I’ve attended the same holiday choral concert for the last 12 years. It’s a simple holiday ritual that forces me to pause in the midst of the madness for two hours of stillness and peace.
4. Take care of yourself.
During all of the hustle and bustle, don’t forget to build in some downtime and take a breather. It doesn’t have to be anything lavish (although it totally can be!). Find 15 minutes for reading, meditating, or moving your body in some way. Take a quiet walk around your neighborhood at night and make sure to get plenty of sleep. It will probably take everything you’ve got to actually stop “doing,” but know that it’s essential to slow down, take a breath, and regroup.
Another way to care for yourself is to be realistic and acknowledge any feelings that come up for you. If you’ve been struggling, recently lost a loved one, or can’t be with your loved ones – whatever it is – know that it’s okay to feel sad and to grieve. You don’t have to throw on your positive pants just because it’s the holidays. Tough times are tough times, regardless the time of year, and it’s okay to acknowledge those emotions. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’re feeling lonely or isolated. Call a friend or seek out community of some sort; accept support from those who care about you or volunteer at a local charity.
5. Have a gift-giving plan.
Let me make this very clear: You DO NOT need to go into debt trying to prove your worth or buy happiness with a bunch of stuff! I’m certainly no Grinch by any stretch of the imagination, so in no way am I saying don’t give gifts. What I am saying is to be intentional and keep it simple.
When I was growing up, we kept gift giving super easy. We drew names every year so that each family unit only bought a gift for one adult and one child. When all of us kids got to be adults, we ditched the gifts altogether and everyone contributed money to a charity we’d chosen as a group. Our main intention was spending time together and enjoying each other’s company.
After a couple of years with my own kids where it all felt overwhelming and like way too much, we completely recalibrated and have much simpler intentional holidays now. We give one or two gifts and focus on experiences (tickets to a show or event, a movie/dinner date, etc…). It’s been a big win for everyone. Talk to your family about finances, your family’s values, and reset everyone’s gift giving expectations. There’s a lot to be said for simple gifts given from the heart.
It’s not too late to embrace a bit of calm and simplicity this holiday season.
I’m going to let you in on a couple of secrets: simply surviving the holidays is not your only option. Your worth and value are not tied to how closely your holiday resembles the flawless magazine spreads. And I promise, when you finally pause to take a breath and look around, you just might find that there is plenty of the extraordinary to be had in the unfussy quiet moments of simply being together.
