Adolescent Development: Part 2
As you can imagine, along with all of the physical changes that are happening during this time of early adolescence, age 9-13, there are lots of emotional and behavioral changes as well. You might notice your child has a changing social circle or friendship challenges, they’re into trying new things and want to have more control over their lives and decisions. These are all normal and important developments on the path to adulthood, but the road can be bumpy as parents and their tweens navigate the new dynamic between them.
SELF-DISCOVERY AND CURIOSITY
With all of its blossoming brainpower, adolescence is a time of self-discovery for your child. You might notice them trying out new interests and hobbies, exploring their passions and identities through clothing styles, subcultures, music, art, or friendship groups. You’ll find them busy working out who they are and where they fit into the world.
Additionally, your child’s thirst for knowledge and curiosity will be at an all-time high. They become voracious learners; their minds like sponges, soaking up all of the knowledge and experiences that will shape their future.
Encourage exploration, provide them with resources and opportunities to delve into their interests and passions, and celebrate their uniqueness. Be their biggest cheerleader as they venture into discovering who they truly are and what lights them up.
THE SOCIAL SCENE
One of the changes you might notice and feel most acutely is that your child may want to spend more time with friends and less time with family. It might also seem like you’re having more arguments. Both of these things are really hard and completely normal. Your child is seeking more independence and starting to think more abstractly and from different points of view. Parent-child conflict peaks in early adolescence so it’s probably beneficial for you to learn ways to help everyone calm back down and manage conflict.
As friends and peers become a more significant part of your child’s life during adolescence, they might encounter new challenges and triumphs in their social circles – peer pressure, subcultures, “frenemies,” and bullying, as well as new friendships, exploring identity, and a sense of belonging.
Parents can encourage open communication about their friendships, provide guidance on handling conflicts, and foster empathy and kindness. Remind them that true friends will value and cherish them for who they are.
CONFIDENCE AND RESILIENCE
Confidence and self-esteem can waver during this period of growth and we know that adolescents with low confidence are less likely to join activities, might automatically expect themselves to fail at things they try, or be more willing to give into peer influence. Resilient tweens can bounce back from something challenging, learn from tough situations, and more readily adapt to difficult circumstances.
As parents, you can play a vital role in building their confidence. Work with your child on problem-solving strategies and ways to work through difficult emotions. Offer genuine praise for their efforts and achievements, no matter how small. Encourage them to embrace challenges as opportunities for growth, and remind them that you believe in their capabilities one hundred percent.
INDEPENDENCE AND DECISION-MAKING
As they grow physically and mentally, another natural piece of adolescent development is the desire to have more control over their lives and decisions. It’s a delicate dance to find balance between granting them freedom and offering guidance, but it’s an essential step on the journey to adulthood. You can expect some conflict along the way – the more constructively you can manage it the better.
You can help your child develop independence by being involved in their lives, showing genuine interest in their activities, and being there to support and guide them when needed. Get down to the nitty gritty and help your child develop the skills needed for decision-making and then give them opportunities to practice so you both feel better about them taking the reins more often. Set clear and fair family expectations that your child has been a part of creating. This approach fosters trust and ensures your child knows you have their backs.
CHALLENGES AND FAILURE
The challenges of life are inevitable, but they present invaluable opportunities for growth. Your child will be trying lots of new things and putting themselves out there in new ways. This is amazing because it helps them get to know what they’re good at and what they enjoy. It also provides plenty of opportunity for failure. Which is also amazing, but often doesn’t feel amazing.
If your child fails at something, you can help them understand that everyone makes mistakes and that failure is a stepping stone to success. Mistakes are a natural part of the learning process and if your child feels okay about themselves and knows they’ll be able to cope when things go sideways, they’re more likely to try new things and tackle difficult situations.
WELL-BEING
Lastly, we come to an area that can slip by the wayside as tweens begin to spend more time away from home and exert more independence – well-being. When our children are young we make sure they’re getting enough sleep, that they’re hydrated, we monitor screen time, etc. These things are all still extremely important and we can still encourage them to stay active and hydrated, get enough rest, and fuel their bodies with nourishing foods. Parents can model self-care behaviors and show our tweens that taking care of themselves is important for overall happiness and success.
So there you have it. We made it! This concludes our dive into some of the huge changes that are happening for your pre-teen. It truly is a transformative time filled with wonder, growth, and challenges.
As parents, your loving support and guidance are paramount in helping your child navigate this new, and sometimes bumpy, terrain. Embrace this adventure together and celebrate each step your kid takes towards becoming a more confident, compassionate, and resilient human.
Some amazingly helpful books for a deeper dive into adolescent emotion and behavior are:
“The Emotional Lives of Teenagers” by Lisa Damour
“Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen” by Michelle Icard
And you can follow this link to a list of books for young people about puberty and adolescent development.
