We Can’t “Love & Light” Our Way Through This One
“The revolution will not be spiritually bypassed!!!” – Louiza Doran
We’re just gonna get right down to it today because that’s all I know how to do right now. It feels uncomfortable and vulnerable to write this. My gremlins are shouting loudly for me to just stay in my lane and that I will get it all wrong.
I undoubtedly will get a lot wrong. I’m always and forever listening and learning. But I cannot ignore all that is happening around us in this moment, and I need to be clear on where I stand as a human and as a coach in my business. So, saddle up – let’s ride.
To begin, let’s have a quick lesson on spiritual bypassing; that fun little thing some folks do to “love and light” everything away. Spiritual bypassing uses spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep and avoid facing all manner of things. It likes to wrap everything up in good vibes, but is really just a big ‘ol heap of harmful denial. Our hearts can hold so much more than good vibes.
“Love and light and spirituality often get used
as a weapon of whiteness.” – Louiza Doran
This concept shows up so often in coaching and healing spaces. Coach Sas Petherick describes it perfectly, I think: “the white-centeredness, the selling of a lifestyle, the mind-boggling obsession with the Law of Attraction, the coach-as-young-white-thin-celebrity in a flower crown, the commercialization of faux-spirituality, the pyramid schemes of coaches selling to each other.”
This is such a disappointing disservice to the great healing and restoration I’ve personally seen this work bring about.
Life is never all love and light. Ever. It’s messy. It’s hard. It takes determination and courage. And as we’ve seen laid painfully bare these last weeks, life is full of injustice, mistreatment, and harm.
We think healing will magically happen if we just sit long enough on a meditation cushion, when what we really need to do is have the hard conversations, unpack our trauma, and take radical responsibility for our actions. Sounds super fun, yeah? Yippee!!! But seriously, it is really tough, AND it’s our life’s work.
Good vibes certainly have their place – please celebrate and bask in life’s joy, delight, and wonder!!! But I can tell you that’s not where true change or healing comes about. Have you ever known someone who made big profound changes in their life because things were going so remarkably well? Exactly.
We’re in the midst of some very big crucial turmoil and upheaval – you might be feeling worry or grief. Unsettled and uncomfortable. Maybe you’re feeling a sliver of hope and a sense of unity. Perhaps a little bit of everything with whipped cream and a cherry on top. Let me assure you that all of these feelings (and a million more) are appropriate. And feeling all of your feelings is appropriate. Sit with them. Let them move through you. They are messengers who have important information to give you.
We are in the process of birthing a whole new way of being, and birth is long and excruciating and untidy. Birth is also beautiful. Exquisite. And powerful beyond measure.
“You know how big love is? Love is big. Love can hold anger;
love can even hold hatred.” -Alice Walker
If we want to feel into the love and bring the light, we must bring our most present, intentional selves to the table. We must not use our love to avoid responsibility or absolve ourselves of inaction. Our love must have grit. It must have accountability and responsibility. Our love must prioritize justice and hard conversations. It has to lean into discomfort and get things wrong. Our love must be willing to be ever-evolving and learning; humble, but never complicit.
I am still very much on my own journey of listening, learning, dismantling, and undoing. I won’t pretend to have all the answers. I know I will make mistakes and ask that you call me in and keep me forever accountable – not just now, but always – when the protests and public outrage fade. To the Black, Indigenous, and People of Color in this community, I see you. I hear you. I am listening, and I will stand by you.
“Justice is what love looks like in public.” – Dr. Cornel West
As we think about what role we want to play in this historic time and how we want to show up in the world, we must do some deep and meaningful self-reflection. What are our core values? Which values are being manifested and revealed in our lives? Every day we make choices that affect our behavior and the path of our life. How are our choices affecting the ways in which we show up?
“We must be the change we wish to see in the world.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
Dig deep into your shadow and do the hard, messy, inner work required to show up knowing what you stand for. Show up with integrity. With vulnerability and humility. Show up in alignment with the legacy you want to leave and the ancestor you want to be. When each of us transforms ourselves, it changes our little corner of the world, and in this way cumulatively creates a whole world of change.
Show up. We belong to each other.
2 Comments
Karen Cross
Your statement, “Our love…has to lean into discomfort and get things wrong” applies to what I’m feeling. I am so afraid of saying something wrong and offending, because I don’t understand all the complexities and changes, that I tend to stay silent. Maybe I’m not convinced that this white privileged woman has anything important to contribute or, I don’t know how or what to contribute. But, I’m listening and I’m learning. That isn’t enough, I know.
admin
Thank you for your comment and for being vulnerable enough to share it. Our white privilege is exactly WHY it’s so important for us to contribute and speak up. I think as we white folx continue to educate ourselves, we’ll better understand how we fit into the Black social justice movement.
One thing I do know is that we can no longer be silent. It’s so easy (and comfortable and familiar) to just let things go and stay quiet, but that time is over. Keep listening, keep learning, and start speaking up. Even if your voice is shaking. Even if you get it wrong. Even if you get corrected. The only way we’ll continue to learn and grow is through active participation. Big love, Maegan